Chapter 1

Jasmine, what a stupid name, she thought.

A stupid name that little girls who grew up in the '80s used to dream of naming their own little girls someday. Her mother was one of those dumb little girls. She hated her name, and she hated her mother for giving it to her. Really though, Jasmine hated her mother for lots of things. She hated her for being so stupid, first of all, for never forcing the son of a bitch who supposedly fathered her to pay child support. Oh, he came around once in awhile, for "visits". What a loser, and here she was, she "belonged" to him now. She hated her mother for ever knowing this guy, and then for getting into a car with his drunk-ass and letting him smash his car and her into soggy bits one night on the highway. He was ejected, got up without a scratch, took off and then let the cops assume that Mama was driving. There was no way to tell anyway, once it was over. Mother Fucker. That was always the single most thing that Jasmine was afraid of, and one night when she was 13, it happened. Then, Jas's already lousy life changed forever, and look at her now. Stupid family courts, if they only knew, or cared, who they were giving her to.

She shoved her hands deeper into the pockets of her grey hoodie and started to walk faster. It was raining by the river, and although it wasn't enough to make you run, it was enough to make you quicken up a little bit. She wasn't feeling well, as usual, and took a quick look behind to make sure she wasn't being followed. She knew she wasn't, but you just can't be too careful in this part of town. She had taken more this time, because she needed it. He always said it would make her feel better, make her forget, and this time she REALLY wanted to forget. But, as usual, it just made her sick, and this time she was REALLY feeling like she needed to puke. Today was scarier than the other times, harder, different, and Maya had taken more too, but Jas thought she had really overdone it because Maya had just thrown up and passed out, and she couldn't wake her up. After a few minutes, she got scared that somebody would come along and somehow know what happened, so she split. She hoped Maya was awake by now, but she didn't really care. Maya was a skank, and deserved what she got.

She hated her father, HATED him, wished he was dead, wished she could make him dead herself. What an asshole. She hated her life, hated what he had forced her to become, and when she thought about what she and Maya had been doing for him for the past 2 years she almost had to stop and throw up right then. This time was different though, THIS time was the worst. This time, oh shit, what had they done? Why did they do it? Why did they let him talk them into it? She and Maya had eyed each other nervously as he was giving instructions, each wanting to say something, but they didn't. Money was hard to get on the streets, and well, now they had some. But Maya's money was probably in the pocket of some bum now, if she was still lying there. The thought made Jas smirk, then she felt guilty for thinking it. Maya was as locked into this as she was, and that girl had it rough too. Neither one of them wanted to do the things that he made them do, but they both did it anyway. THIS time though, this time was too fucked up, too real.

She turned the corner by the bridge. It was raining harder now, and Jas needed to get out of it or get soaked, plus she had to sit down. She scooted her way around the trash and old tires, around the barrels the bums used to burn shit in, past the old lady who was sleeping on the ground (and who she could smell before she could see her), and up into a little filthy little alcove where the pidgeons like to nest and crap. She didn't care, she was used to being dirty. For her, a shower was something you got once a week at the shelter if you felt like standing in line with the rest of the deadbeats. Fuck it, she didn't care. When it got so bad she couldn't stand her own stink she found a way to clean up. She and Maya usually asked Daddy Dearest for a few bucks and went to the truck stop on the highway and took one there.

She tucked into the alcove and wrapped her arms around herself to warm up. Her thoughts once again drifted to what had happened that afternoon, and this time she couldn't help it. Leaning over to the side she vomited, chin trembling, and put her head down sideways on her knees. She looked at the dirty, stinking river, wishing she had enough guts to throw herself into it, then closed her eyes and grimaced, trying not to cry. It will pass, Jasmine, it will go away, you'll forget, you always do, she told herself, cringing at the sound of the hated word inside her head. Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine, what a dumb-ass name. A stupid name for stupid, rich, nice little girls with mommies and daddies who love them and take care of them and don't make them do things. Stupid little girls who go to school and have ponies and don't live in run down shitholes with their fucked-up fathers and their drugged-out half sisters who do what they did.

It was not a name for girls like her...not for girls like her.